I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
