I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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