I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
a search helicopter?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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