Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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