she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
