"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
