you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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