she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
