i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
