She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
