My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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