Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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