i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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