my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
