dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
