Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
