I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
