not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
