Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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