I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
