Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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