Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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