i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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