It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
