I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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