Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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