I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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