I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
