Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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