At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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