Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
