tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
PANTIES FOUND
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