Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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