My room smells like vodka and shame
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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