Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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