Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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