Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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