chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life is pants optional.
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