So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
