Jerry, you need to find god
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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