tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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