Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
