I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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