Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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