youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
