i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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