My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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