Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
