i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
