Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
