Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
