I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
