TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
