Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
