Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
