dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
accomplished twins. life is a go
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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