wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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