I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
