I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
