She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
try to milk me bitch
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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