i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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