saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
