I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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