Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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