I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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