Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
