Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
