So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
