I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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