Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
