jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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